their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
