we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
