i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
