I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
