remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
