I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
