I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So much rum. So many feels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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