im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
