my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
