I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
