I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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