i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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