If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
