at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
