his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
