my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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