Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
