hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
this is an emotional support booty call
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
