This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
