My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
