I smell stomach acid.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
