Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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