Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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