Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
