I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
