UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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