if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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