What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize