What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
