We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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