The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
