I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
