He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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