i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize