she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
