I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
