In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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