i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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