Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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