Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
