I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
