No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
