Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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