Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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