He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Even my vagina gasped.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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