I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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