Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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