Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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