I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
