I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
