The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
