I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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