I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
