guys are not supposed to queef...right?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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