is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Couch. On fire.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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