YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
