What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Shame - the story of my life.
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