she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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