C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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