Can i not drive my cunt home
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
