What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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