Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
