Who wears a wallet chain?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
