like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
