he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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