i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize