just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
