Where did you get a picture of my penis
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
