you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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