I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize