what is it with giant penises always finding me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
