Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
