This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
