I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
