At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just google imaged poop.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
