You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
vagina is talking i cant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
