Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
