Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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