I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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