so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
