but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
